okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
