she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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