You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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