so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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