I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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