Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
