My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
