loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
