the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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