I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
