I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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