New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
