She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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