We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize