HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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