Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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