I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
