I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
