i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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