forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize