I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
