turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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