So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
