Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
