he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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