Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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