I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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