Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
