my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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