God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
