Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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