The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
pop tarts are not kleenex
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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