Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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