mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
