K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
