My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
