GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
