we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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