You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
