if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
