Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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