is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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