he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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