Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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