I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Randomize
