Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
