Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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