Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
