just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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