So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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