Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
