the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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