We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
