I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
