He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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