thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
