That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
