Soap is not a condiment
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
