Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
