get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
