i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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