He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
