new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
