everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize