she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
