They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
