I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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