how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
