Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
