Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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