You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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