Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
