Please, let me fuck your mom
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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