I wannas sexs uuuuu
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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